I LOATHE just surviving. I like to enjoy my days and children!
But this week, I was having noneya of it. I needed a total Rewind Week!
Nothing went right... Picture this...
Children= horrible, cranky, disobedience, testy, forgetful, on and on.
Days= overwhelmed, messy, disorganized, thing in boxes, on and on.
Me= irritable, impatient, horrid, stressed, period (sorry guys), on and on.
By Thursday afternoon I could take no more. I totally broke. Called Adam at work, cried for 15 minutes, then he came home and took Miss Beautiful to her learning center because I could not complete one more thing. Thank you Jesus for my strong and servant-hearted man! I then put Nehemiah to bed and Avi Joy on a task and just breathed and prayed.
I like things to be "just-so" you see and to feel like I am accomplishing a task makes me feel great. I love To Do list's and being on a schedule. With this move, everything has been crazy! I cannot get anything done. Homeschooling completely busted this week and we accomplished nothing. We added 7 hours a week for Miss Beautiful be/c she is a year behind in school and is now in tutoring and that has added unexpected stress on my part. And Nehemiah, well. (I just sighed really loud typing his name.) I do NOT know what to do with him. I need some discipline tips- SERIOUSLY. COMMENT. (Not like, oh sorry sweetie, it will get better, no, like- this worked for my 2 year old boy, try this...)
I have tried nice correction, i.e= talking sweetly, positive reinforcement
I have tried medium discipline= time outs, pinch on hand, going to room
I have tried harsh consequences= spakin' on thigh/bottom, separation in crib
NOTHING WORKS. He is impulsive and irritates others with his rash behaviors and constant whining. And sadly, I loose it right after he does.
He is my cherry in top in so many good ways, but when the house is going down hill, he is the cherry on top that turns it into complete chaos. Help.
I am still not over this week, but today made it better.
We played Hookie- yea us! No work, no school, just time together.
We have been wanting to go back to our college, Northeastern State University, to see the trees and to show the kids where we met. We had a wonderful relaxing drive, I read some from a book and we listened to music and talked.
We arrived at NSU and walked around for a bit. The first building we saw, the NET, brought back a lot of memories.
1.) The NET building was the computer center of our school. It was built my first year of college and we HAD to get an email address to get the syllabus for our classes. I was so completely put off by this and was actually mad about it. And email? What is email for heavens sake?
2.) I was in this building attending a teaching lecture for my student internship on September 11th. We all watched on the large TV screen in our classroom as the planes crashed into the twin towers.
Next we showed the kids where we used to live. Adam and I met in this building. Fall 1998. I will have to share how we met sometime- super funny stuff. I lived on First South and he lived on Second Southeast, we were friends for two years while living in these dorms.
We ate lunch at Sam and Ella's Chicken Palace. Divine salad and pizza!
Then we took some family pictures. This whole not-showing-her-face-thing is getting old already. My plan was to take lots of pictures in the colorful leaves and some individual pictures of the kids, but we got 8 pictures and the battery died. smile.
We stopped at the Tahlequah Drug and Soda Shoppe on the way out of town and ordered hand-spun shakes. They were delicious! Who doesn't love to end their day with a large pina colada shake, yes please!OK- back to spewing. See, the To Do list is So long and nothing gets accomplished. How does that happen? So much to do that nothing gets done?? What?!
I have seen 2 organized mama's move and it seemed like they snapped and their house was done, unpacked, organized and children were all off playing, happily. I daily throw down comparing to others because I am just slow at this whole getting things done thing. I know some of you are laughing be/c you think I get everything done, and quickly, but there is SO MUCH, it is overwhelming. How does 19 kids and counting mom do it with such grace? Please don't knock the Duggers, I really love them.
They say you can hit a 3 month honeymoon wall and I think we hit it with LIFE. Miss Beautiful has been with us since July- that is an adjustment- hello. I took on a new job (homeschooling) in August and we just moved in Sept and I have two kids under four- I had to throw that in. Ok, do you hear the violin's playing? "Get over it," some would say, or "So and So, has it worse." Yes, those two things are true, but this is my life and as I stated above, I am not comparing, I am trying to enjoy my life, my Lord, my husband and my kids. But this week has been a struggle.
Something good in this string of blaaah... I love my new bible I got for my birthday last week. I asked for the Amplified bible. I am crazy over it. I feel like the one I have been reading for 12 years (NIV) is now my elementary school bible and this is my PhD bible. I beyond love the descriptions and added details and am really growing in my love for Him.
My second good thing was starting MOPS this week. My sweet girlfriend has been going to Mothers of Preschoolers for years and this week, I needed some connecting time- so I went and loved it. Now that we are doing school on MWF, I had to let go of some past activities that I enjoyed be/c they do not allow kiddos over 5. I used love bible school: studying the word, discussing questions, eating brunch and socializing (oh and getting dressed in something other than p.j.'s or painting clothes). I thought I would be ok without this, but again, after many months, nope. I need that time and it was renewing for my soul.
My favorite passage this week was 2 Corinthians 12:9, "But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!
Yes, pitch a tent over and dwell upon us! Oh how this description lingered in my heart for days.
The Perrymans
6 comments:
May the Lord renew your strength and vision. May He provide sweet peace and rest for your weary soul! You are an incredible wife, mom, teacher and disciple of Christ! I'm proud of you. Made me smile at some of those NSU days and you and Adam meeting. And Mr. Phoah in computer class. Awwweee!!! And every time I see a movie about an art class with a "live model" i think of you :). Have a wonderful weekend! Kyle is off to Pokot land and we are all still in pjs and it's 11am! Good times! Love sent your way!
I LOVE the pics you took, both of the family and of the NSU campus. The family pics make me long for the future when I will have my own family, and the campus pics reminded me of old times.
See you soon!
I understand your to-do-list accomplishment mindset and feel your frustration. Praying for peace and, and, synonyms for peace! You do so much and you love your family so deeply. Seasons come and go and I am praying for a long season of calm in your life. I am also getting annoyed with not being able to share proud moments of our children because of DHS restriction. I look forward to the day our children are ours and we can show them off as we deem appropriate. Thank you for being honest and real in your blogs, you are benefiting those around you more than you know.
With our 2 year old we do immediate time outs in his crib. Once a whimper turns to a whine, we warn him, if that does not curb his whine, we put him in until he starts to calm down. We do high praises that he calmed himself down and the we all "move on". Now, if N isn't in a crib, IDK....Drew does not climb out yet so this works for us. Good luck...2 is tricky! BTW, I just had to put him in his crib for not cleaning up his colored pegs...Oy.
Here are a few ideas....a book maybe...sorry for the length but I am sure we do similar things so little details might help...? Hope so!!
We do time out in a big rocking chair in Alex's room. We used to use his crib gut he is out of that now. Goes like this around here.... Warning--"you can choose to blank or choose to have two minutes" (or time out, whatever slips out through gritted teeth usually). if he chooses to keep doing whatever (hit mommy/ didn't listen/bit/threw/wouldn't change pants-whatever the offense is), i take him to the chair "you are in time out because you hit mommy. 2 minutes." Wait 2 minutes (usually less--haven't had to resort to timer yet...), go back (or turn around, sometimes I stay there and just turn my back). "You were in time out for hitting. that hurts mommy. Are you ready to say sorry?" sometimes he does and then we give hug and kisses; sometimes he doesn't and we start over. Max I have done is 5 times.
If he is whining or crying beyond what is necessary and can't calm down, I will send him to his room/bed. I tell him he can come out when he calms down. Sometimes he comes out by himself but usually gets distracted reading, playing or something and I go in and hug him and tell him I am glad he calmed down.
Another idea for when they are so upset and out of control: water, movement and breathing. Resets their brain from that primitive state they go into. We use that one with homework when em gets frustrated and I use it when I am angry--I can usually get alex to drink something and then he breaths deeper if I totally exaggerate my breathing. He's always moving, so that one is not an issue! (i think this was a Beaulieu tip...)
We also use a simple visual schedule for getting ready--he was not wanting to brush teeth and would struggle getting dressed sometimes so I printed out pics of morning routine and put then in ziplocs taped to his bedroom door. When he is dressed, he gets to put a big paper smiley face, dinosaur, soccer ball or something I print out that will cover the picture to show it is done. When all of them are done, he gets to keep an extra picture. He will put it in his pocket or color it, or whatever he feels like but gets very motivated by it for now. Such pride when he gets his paper!! We don't really do it every day but definitely on the tough mornings and it cuts out the whining pretty quickly. I am going to try to add some simple chores soon too.
My sister uses the "present fairy" who leaves small presents under pillows randomly for desired behaviors. She used it mostly when they were having issues staying in their own bed. If they woke up in their own bed, they got a present in the morning, then it slowly moved to every other time, then every so often.
Good luck! You have the number one strategy of prayer down so you are in good hands!! Kari
You are precious and your heart is more golden all the time - Jesus blood is amazing and it is cool to watch it cleanse you! Now about 2 year old boys my belief is that they have to experience real pain immediately after disobedience ( James put the toy down. He runs. Spank. Pray out loud.) No warning, no asking. It is really hard but asking two year olds to reason is futile. This is finally what we resorted to with James and I think it did wonders for him. The thing is it doesn't feel like it's working for 6 months at least (kinley is on her 6th and it's going to take longer). Whining- I asked him to repeat it right if he didn't he would have roomtime with a baby gate until he was better. They are a special breed, consistent praise consistent training. I had to learn to quit taking it personally and remove my emotion. Lord help hep you!!
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